KiKi's MemOiRs!

I got Tagged...

2008-05-26T11:29:00.002-04:00

I got Tagged.......

Was Tagged by Tears

Rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you...
2. Mention the rules in your blog...
3. Tell about SIX unspectacular quirks of yours...
4. Tag SIX following bloggers by linking them... (is all about the sixes...lol)
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

so yea i think, infact i believe i have done this before but erm...here it goes...mayb ill get to unleash some secrets hahahah i kid i kid

1. I am a hoarder, i cant seem to get rid of things i kno full well i dont need.. like i have things from high school that i kno i shouldnt still have but i just cant get rid of them, i dont want to become one of those people that needs special intervention on TV ..its not that serious yet..but i dont want to get there..

2. I love harder than i can control, i let my feelings do my thinking until i cant take it anymore n my head is spinning...

3. I like to walk around in my birthday suit ( of course, when its jus me)......i dont kno why..i hate clothes soo much...but cause of my ironically shy conservation nature i have to pretend to love wearing clothes..hisss...

4.I absolutely hate hate hate when people wear silver n Gold...i dont kno why it jus urks my very last nerve like i feel like yanking the silver of them...

5. I am insanely obsessed with my legs, i dont kno why i wont buy somethin unless my legs comeout looking good...wat a silly things..ur thinkin right ...i jus dont kno ..its somethin about them that make me feel goodddddd

6. I am such a mommy's girl i get scared sometimes thinking one day ill have to do without her...it scares me to death i swear...i kno the younger shud bury the older but i dont think im srong enuf to do it ooo....well sha...only God know everyones strength...

so now that i have somewhat shared some of me.......mayb i can update on my ever so changing life...

I am not sure i kno six people to tag cause i think everyone has gotten a dose of it oooo....but sha ill tag Anu Boy, Charizad, Solomonsydelle

deep thinking

2008-05-02T15:48:00.004-04:00

i have so much to talk about i dont kno where to begin or even if i have the time to hit every thing...but mhen babes is growin physically, mentally, emotionally..u get d drift...but
sometimes i jus cant help but relive the good ole days...some lafter come..some tears...shit mehn ive bn thru some things o... alot of times i wonder where some people are..are they thinkin about me..like i have been so detached from reality..that when i wonder back in i wonder if i still exist in some others world...

sometimes i still relieve those painful break-ups...still cry at the thut...i may never have them again..i may never speak or see them again......see life oo

sometimes i relieve those friendships and i jus laff at the sillyness of it

n these days i love the me i have become...

...to be continued...

2008-04-08T20:33:00.002-04:00

i feel like i love him.....i feel like we love each other...we hav stood the test of life...but there r tuffer battles....can we sustain ...can we survive..

will u marry someone different from your culture albeit the love is unending....BUT the parentals are givin u tuff time...i mean isnt who u decide to spend ur life with your decision....rnt u the one who has to sleep , wake n eat with the person so y all the qualms.....YIKES>>>>BLOGVILLE HELP!

::deep thuts provoked::

2008-03-14T12:43:00.003-04:00

what happened to all my bloggers ehn..everyone has gone private..na wa ooo....i hope everyone is ok sha..

well...ive jus bn chillin oo...sum dulln days..sum serious dreamin days..but sha na so life give am to us o.. i have small gist o...oya sit don make una hear word o..

so na so b the cast o..
Crush: Ikechukwu
New Friend: Taisha

oya let me start...
see eh..Ikechukwu is dis fine bobo i jus come dey eye like dis...o...as in the bobo is foine...but u kno foine boys always have one thing or the other...sha we were sha bubblin as in chilln.u kno gettn to kno...meanwhile me i don do my research well well o...(girls hav to check na)..so him history no good o...but nonetheless i figure na one life o...les jus see how it goes.
Ikechukwu likes to form o as in boy no go call two days in a row ..n u kno as naija babe now...i do my own too..but i no last long o..sha we don dey yarn more now..as in when bobo hit town ..hin dey buzz me as hin dey land..na so he talk ooo..BUTTTTTTTT

NOW yawa come break...seee i come fin dis babe..ehn...we gel o...(that one na real comodity) sha we dey hang..n bobo name come up..na so d babe yarn me say hin think bobo b my bro..as in..warrahel...wich kin sister n bro u see like dat.hiss...u kno babes dey use style get jist sha me too come spice am well well...na so d babe dey browse my phone o ...(naija babes dey try for quarvn o) sha me sef i no dey keep jist for fone o..u neva kno wetin go shele...so sha babes kon buzz bobo up ...na so dey de yarn o...as in i was like see my life....na man do dis to gewls ooo...sha i dust am...abi hin no do me nurrn...if i want bobo i go take m o but bobo no rich dat kind level yet...

so sha na so tis two babes...dey crush bobo o..n bobo think he get brain abi...hin go seee us( as in me n taisha) n go dey pull me like hin wan marry me..when i no gree am hin do dey text taisha ..can u imagine....n taisha go dey do long tins to get bobo attn...na wa o.....

una....wetin woman go do....as dey talk m o! as in...babes before man shey..but dis babe b like sey she get k'leg o....wetin woman go do!

meanwhile toaster #3...don serious o..as in we don dey yarn as if i no get bills sha...hin kon dey deni girlfy as in serious denial...meanwhile..i trust my sources...i go catch d truv o...as in babes r not ready to deal wiv dis kin stuvs....o...

abegie..we go jam again oo...

QUestiOn?

2008-02-23T23:40:00.002-04:00

sooooooo Blogville... this Toaster 2..lets call him "Lumee" from now on...

Facts about Lumee

He is caring, sweet, cute, snazzy dresser as in guy dey opress mhen, educated, Naija ....BUT...hin tori no good ooooo...as in history wey follow bobo pass comedy...as per serious heart breaker.....even wit that i still dey shine eye....God help me...okay let me get serious...

See evn tho they say history repeats his self..i dont believe it, and i think ppl can change, not drastically o..but enuf to appreciate life more n turn ard..n dats wat i think bobo did..only time will tell...sha as in as i don tell my booboo's(bestfriends) dey don abuse me no bi small..as in i honestly dont think i shud judge him on his past...abi..esp the way he helped me thru my heart breakin moments...sha...n this leads to my question...

Does someone's past depict their future..as per..will u use someone's relationship history to judge them....keep in mind...no relationship is perfect n there are always two sides to a story....

P.S. There's did one bobo sha i have been eyein long time oooo now he don dey eye my way....kai...as in i don dream about this boy endlessly n given up..now he surfaces...wat to do ..wat to do....

well m goin to think now

part 2

2008-02-23T23:33:00.003-04:00

ooooo....before i continue from my Jist.....remember my post on my Friend....mehn i miss this friend o but i jus dont kno wat to do...i have prayed about it n im jus blah...like the friend has called me since my last post...in addition to my recent extra busy life...i wasnt in the mood to speak to the friend cause i feel the friend doesnt know how much i love them even tho i have my moods n my outlooks which r complete opposite of theirs....well i hope to return the call before i relapse on my new yrs resolution to improve my communication skills.....God hear me ooooo...i dont wana looose this person but i dont kno if our time is up... :-(

..sooo yea where did i leave of...Toaster 3....we have kept n line of communication...but i dont forsee anythin...( did i mention he was cute)....o yea i didnt clarify...or did i ..not sure..gf, matter of fact, WIFEY, as in serious gf came sha..so we all lookin at each other..in my mind i was jus laffn as in could tis possibly b my soap opera...sha i boned , stay a bit..didnt want to seem RASH .....nad to think he keeps callin...as in no shame in his game...but gf na non-Naija...so she no code is lingo....poor thing...so oo na so it b....n now there are 2...
Long story eh!

see me o....i never seem to get "ME- TIME" i go love ooo...theres always another one knockn....like even tho i like it..well it makes me vain...but sha sometimes i wish there wasnt a toaster so i can get used to me..JUST ME again...its being a minute....well not really since it was JUST ME....n im enjoyin being free to explore me, date freely...n etc...u get the point...we shall see sha...mayb God knos i love to love....
n
BUT..THE BEST PART OF VALS DAY WAS my BROTHER...mhen i love that boy to death MHEN.i swear sometimes i get scared of loosin my fam....n e who...let me not spoil the mood....THAT boy is goin to make some woman sooo happy ..i swear....even tho he's younger..hes soooo insightful n thutful...durin my well dramatized life endin relationship drama...he held me down like no other.....n on vals day he came to spend the day wit me ...welll til toaster 2 took over.....bought em flowers n chocolates n wrote me a poem.....gosh i felt soo loved i swear...i never knew he listened to me that much...
MY BROTHER N TOASTER 2 WORKED VERY WELL IN HAND.......
SOOOO yeaaaa my VALENTINES DAYS was surprises welll appreciated....i feeel sooo loved....a yr makes a whole lot of difference...diff kind of LOVE....Love that makes u wanna live forever....THANK YOU GOD FOR HEARING ME THOSE NIGHTS I NEVER WANTED TO WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNIN....I KNO U SAW THESE COMIN....
P>S> i cant wait to sseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Maryyyyyyyyy JJJJJJJJ...shes my idol....like i lov her to peices....
I love my FAM, FRIENDS, TOASTER, EX's, BLOG FAM, everyone...im jus in a lovn mood....i mean i cudnt ask for n e thing more.....
A day i thut wud make me cringe turned out the complete opposite....albeit i still dont validate valentines day o...its jus the thuts behind the actions that made me make FEB 14, 2008 an exceptional one....i made alot of realizations...Thank you GOD>....m so greatful....
o yea I LOVE my Friends...even the ones i let go.....

JIST

2008-02-16T23:57:00.004-04:00

my life is jus on a serious rise....like i wud never have thut...but let me start my recaps i have long promised....

soooooo every yr i dread that stupid day..valentines day ..that is...whether or not m single..why...well cause if m single ...the observance of the day makes me feel like im missin somthin wen m not...n if m booed up...i end up imagining things..romantic things that is..well m not much of a romantic per se...like i dream the cute luvy duvy stuv but i wud never in a million yrs actually show it...who knows why.... welll my valentines day was quite a surprise n fun....surprise n fun i wud hav never guessed....sooo in 24 hrs i have major toasters that i jus neglected or well paid no attn to cause i am comfortable with my drama free life...

toaster 1..calls at 12.01 like...normally i never hear the phone....(story for another day..i think i need to check my ears) n talked for like hours...more like 3...he professed his 2 yr quest to tell me how he feels..WOW...i was shocked....n the thing is i dont really like him like dat..as in i jus n hav always saw him as a friend...i strayed away from datin this person...it felt good to kno i was loved but its not the love i need jo...now i feel kinda stuck ....i dunno wat to do...

toaster 2...so after my recent ordeals in the latter part of last yr....i found myself being a lil more free with my self....not thinkin too much about things...jus tryn to live life before my time ran out.. and during this time came this fella...i guess theres a reason behind everythin ....i was warned to stay away from him...he was bad news...this n that...God knows m them most stubborn person in the world...i listened n to a good extent erased him..but some how he always came into play...soooo its funny how much ppl listen or observe u when u think no ones payin attn...seee im the kind of person that when m happy i love my happy songs..n when m not so hppy....Good ole Mary comes into Press n Play...u kno cause shes s sister that has bein thru it all but in the end shes stil holdin her head up high....n when that single.."Just fine" came out...mhen i blasted that song like it was my anthem...not as an illusion but really i was realizn i was jus fine wit how my life was shaping out...i cant always control everythin ..i will have questions, n confusions...but if i live my life freely...ill b jus fine....nnnnnnnnnn this leads to my story when i heard the door bell ring....seeeee most ppl dont kno my new residence cause ive jus kept to me myself n my family..but we all stood at the window lookin out to see who it was cause neither mommy, i, sis or bro was expectin no one...only to find Toaster...WHATTTTTTTTTT DA FCUK.....like i ran so fast n started shakin...i kno...omo mhen it was like 5 in the evenin...i hadnt baffed.....my scarf was nicely tied.....i had one house clothes..as in i was not in a visitor expectin mode...but sha i answered after he waited for like 10 mins..the house was a mess we were all loungn ard the house....only for him to come n say..." KIKI, i knou been thru alot...i hav tried to help u thru it as a guy to tell u my perspective on things..or how u handled it....blah blah...i kno ulove usher n all but i think u wud love this person on this paper more" I hissed ...rude i kno
but i had no clue wat he was talkn about only for me to open the envelope..n seee not one but TWO tickets tooo seeee MARY n JAY....omg i nearly fainted...i screamed so loud momsy nearly had an heart attack as per stranger in her house n her daughter is screamin...sha after i regained composure...i hugged him so tightly n actually cried....mhen i need to seriously man up..cause he was actually listenin to me when i thut i was jus deafn his ears wit my story of an angry black woman..cause i tell u..when it comes to love...i can be really angry ooo....story for another day....

soooo toaster 3: this one was the funiest n surprising....soooooo i revamped my one of many talents n decided i needed to start using all my talents before they vanished ...so i went to hook one of my girls up..shoppn, hair, makwup.....on til this day i only knew of a couple of her friends than n we all usually went out together...so i get to her place as we all bout to roll out n i see another new faced gentleman....in the kitchen cookn n cleanin...m thinkin mayb its an uncle..a cousin or somethin...only for her to say KIKI, meet my best friend...Mike...I was like umm i ndidnt kno u had another bestfriend ...she was like well...he has been hella busy and u never came to my house na..n we never talk past dat side...so welll we went out spent money..got new baffs..we talked n whilst talkin she was like best friends gf was comin to town for vals day n they all wanted to surprise him...n i was like cool ill stop by cause ill prolly be free any how..somethin to do abi...only for me to get home n best friend rings me up ..yada yada..so i ring Labake up and in the midst of the anxiety...I said...Labake...r u ok or r u on crack..so this ur bestfriend wants to make me home wrecker... and.. sideline abi..nooo oooo..besides im chilin...abeggie...if u see the kind response my friend gave me....like i jus knew she wud kno my rxn...she jus laffed at me...can u imagine..Thursday came n i went to her place o like planned wit toaster no 2....as in i was so excited wit toaster no 2 n his thutful ness ..i invited him along only for me to get there n Labake's brother had decorated the house to surprise me..i was sooo shocked when i got there...even worse i felt sooo bad cause toaster no 2 felt out of place even after i explained to him....so labake's bestfriend pulled me aside n told me he wanted to take me out cause he really liked me..( I ONLY MET HIM ONCE) plus i have already told myself i ws not gettin involved wit drama........i dont want awkwardness. we hav mutual friends in common...New yr mhen...sha he took it like a man...he dint burge that much but i could see he was kinda bruised...NAIJA boys sha!...wellll ill continue later mayb tonight...my fingers r tired cause m tryn to fit it all at once...so much happenin mehn....

???????

2008-02-12T14:56:00.000-04:00

OMG cant believe ive bn MIA for so long...bn catchn up to alot of stuvs ive neglected...i.e. my life..lol

well theres alot to catch up on but for now...i feel like ventin or rather takin a load off

seee 2007 was a yr of laughter, serious laughter, crying, planning, understanding, and lastly standing.... soooo yea before the yr ran out i did a lot of searchin n satisfyin my self....i uprooted alot of old plants that were takin up space...some werent as easy to uproot as others...a few found their way bac but def believe they shal come out sooner than later....well this brings me to my reason to findin my way bac to here!!!!

so right..i have this friend...a very good friend if u ask me...but i swear we bump heads so much its ridunkulous but sha i love this friend to death like...in my ragin anger i will still tell u i love this friend...but lately im beginning to see this love as holding me bac..this friend might say im not as good of a friend to them or might say i am but i def hav my faults...none the less....i alwayss feel compelled to make sure this friend is not upset at me evn wen i feel im right...n its startin to b a burden n i shudnt feel that way....seee i try my best to be there but sometimes i gotta look out for me first cause ive learned in this life all u got is ur self in the end... so yea i contacted this friend earlier today cause i havent really spoken to them in a minute...we've been playin a game of phone tag....busy schedules eh! yea but today after speakin wit this friend i realize we r jus not meant to b like before...first it took this friend forever to respond to me...granted the friend was prolly busy n im prolly jus too expectant..yea i kno but i jus had a feelin this friend was either upset at me or holding some grudge towards me n im tired of feelin like i have to always explain myself...abeggie men..i have loads of things of my mind i need to work on n i cant afford to pile up excess...i mean this person means the world to me but its jus not workin...

no. 2... everytime i go thru my life endin situations..lol..thats wat i call them cause when they happen gosh it feels like life is about to crash n burn! yea very extreme but shoot me im jus dat emotional...welll this friend ALWAYS brings up the past..always the NEGATIVE ones n its jus life damn..can i please get past it without u bringin it up...granted alot of time i play along like it dont matter..wat am i spposed to doo....shit i even dread the phone cause 99.99999999 percent of the time i can predict the conversation n it almost always end up in me havn to do somethin to livn my self bac up....arghhhhhhhhh

m so lost....do i let this friend goo or wat....talkin about it is not an issue like i said before we seriously bump heads alot n we never seem to see the same scenario...i guess its the definition of two sides to every story....

.....

This Christmas

2007-12-24T16:21:00.001-04:00

Merry Christmas and Happy New years in Advance Blogville.........well needed rest is in progress!

My strEngTh

2007-12-24T00:14:00.000-04:00

Open My heart..
by: Yolanda Adams

[Verse 1
]Alone in a room
It's just me and you
I feel so lost'Cause I don't know what to do
Now what if choose the wrong thing to do
I'm so afraid, afraid of disappointing you

[Chorus]
So I need to talk to you
And ask you for your guidance
Especially today
When my life is so cloudy
Guide me until I'm sureI
open up my heart

[Verse 2]
My hopes and dreams
Are fading fast
I'm all burned out
And I don't think my strenghts gonna last
So I'm crying out
Crying out to you
Lord I know that you're the only one
Who is able to pull me through

[Chorus]
So I need to talk to you
And ask you for your guidance
Especially today
When my life is so cloudy
Guide me until I'm sureI open up my heart

[Bridge]
So show me how
To do things your way
Don't let me make the same mistakes
Over and over again
Your will be done
And I'll be the one
To make sure the it's carried out
And in me, I don't want any doubt
That's why...

[Chorus]
I need to talk to you
And ask you for your guidance
Especially today
When my life is a little bit cloudy
Guide me until I'm sure
I open up my heart

[Chorus 2]
All I need to do Is hear a single word from you
I open up my heart
Just one word could make
A difference in what I do Lord
I open my heart to you
You're the lover of my soul
Captain of my sea
I need a word from you
That's why I open up my heart

Goodnight Bloggville...i need to go talk to my Lord

....

2007-12-23T22:53:00.000-04:00

search for my trust ....i gave it away or better yet i placed it somewhere but somehow it was taken n i cant seem to get my hands back on it...God please ooo..

am beginning to realize that i think i have hit the point in my life where i jus dont give a fudge about anythin....

Am so scared ill never love whole heartedly again..Am so scared of ppl these days...last night i talked to my really good friends for a long while...i was sooo fine...the second she got off the phone..i felt bad again...i wish i had her wit me to hug me n tell me i wud b fine..she said it...but i didnt believe it..

Today ...i finally let those cries out that i have held bac for so long..today i finally visited those emotions i had consciously forgotten...but always flashed thru..
"Never Give up"

Visions that can change the world trapped inside an ordinary girl
She looks just like me too afraid to dream out loud
And though it's simple your idea, it won't make sense to everybody Y
ou need courage now If you're gonna persevere

To fulfill divine purpose, you gotta answer when you're called
So don't be afraid to face the world against all odds

[Chorus]
Keep the dream alive don't let it die
If something deep inside keeps inspiring you to try, don't stop
And never give up, don't ever give up on you Don't give up

Every victory comes in time, work today to change tomorrow
It gets easier, who's to say that you can't fly
Every step you take you get, closer to your destination
You can feel it now, don't you know you're almost there?
To fulfill divine purpose, you gotta answer when you're called
So don't be afraid to face the world against all odds

[Chorus]

Keep the dream alive don't let it die
If something deep inside keeps inspiring you to try, don't stop
And never give up, don't ever give up on you

[Bridge:]Who holds the pieces to complete the puzzle?
The answer that can solve a mystery
The key that can unlock your understanding
It's all inside of you, you have everything you need yeahhhh
Sooooo, keep the dream alive don't let it die
If something deep inside, keeps inspiring you to try don't stop
And never give up, don't ever give up on you
Sometimes life can place a stumbling block in your way
But you're gotta keep the faith,
bring what's deep inside your heart yeah your Heart to the light
And never give up Don't ever give up on you
Nooo don't give up,No, no, no, no don't give up Oh, no, no, no, no don't...give...up

SigH

2007-12-23T22:35:00.000-04:00

Jus one of dose dayz ...u kno...
woke up feelin like crap....had a ruff night...got ready for church...walked outside
and GUESS WAT..its pourin RAIN...i hate rainy days cause generally i get a yurky feelin
....imagin wakin up wit a feelin n goin outside n experiencin that feelin..
yikes..i feel God was cryin for me too this mornin

went to move the car n behold my bro had parked it wrongly sctachin the new car popsy jus bought....CRAP! Not today....(that totals two cars scratched very noticeably in One week....popsy goin to seriously ya wa for us o!...another days blog)

so yea once i decided today was one of those days i jus question it all...I got out Good ole Luther n Yolanda....but today Yolanda was all i wanted to hear...she had all the right words that made me cry like a baby but no that This too shall pass like every other night that has come before..

I got all dolled up for church...for some reason i love getin ready for church..i dont kno y ..it jus excites me....then i looked in the mirror n jus burst into tears....why is 2007 ending like this...i mean dont get me wrong..i have alot m thankful for...but its jus this one person that did so much good in my life all of a sudden is the cause of me wantin to hate myself...

i quickly eased that tear once i heard popsy's voice...the last person that needs to hear my cry...he will surely curse his life for makin his princess cry...but sha parents..hav this intuition...he kept tryn to make me laff as if he knew his baby was not havn a so good dat...its only 9.30! sooooo here goes she to church...

Blasted Yolanda like it was nothin...not realizin how fast i was drivin until the car started skiddin..WTF! so i slowed down n said 2 days to xmas..n im cryin like this...ki lo de... got to church...this old man refuse to let me park behind him cause ild block him...i said mhen ill b out before u say the grace..chill jo...but he was talkin.. i wasnt in the mood..i put the car on reverse n parked elsewhere way further...u kno rain now...no one wants to walk in the rain...i didnt even care..park went to church

while there..despite my hate for life at the moment...i found myself singing those praise n worship songs like my life depended on it...before i knew it i felt a wet tingle on my chin...ye pa! no o not church....i quickly ran to the bathroom..i jus wanted to scream..someone to hold me n not let me go..n assure me this too shall pass....

funny enuf i kept askin God for peace...surely or mayb i jus was listenin extra closely today..the pastor ended sayin may we all find peace as we enter 2008...My Amen was louder than those speakers i swear...I felt finally someone hears my inner... sha o i was bout to run out n this chic was like u not stayin for youth meetin..as in mhen i wasnt in the moood..but sha i waited...n long behold it was cancelled.. i was soo excited but sha i didnt have to go show my moody sef to ppl...cause i kno it showed on my face..the pain i felt in my chest...

then i went to try to leave church..na so dem don block me o! WTF..see ehn i have a short fuse wit stuff like dat cause ppl never want to leave church sometimes..but today i jus didnt have the energy to ask anyone to move their car cause i was jus tired..i sat in my car for nearly one hour til they moved their cars o! can u imagine....then i finally get to leave n i jus drove ..the lady said sorry like ten times before i heard her...my mind had completely drifted..constantly replayin 2007 like it was a movie..

when did my life become this...when did i become this person so scared of ppl...i swear i dey fear ppl o! my gosh.....im not a saint but damn i have a conscience...i wud never hurt a fly..i get mouth o small..but when it comes down to it...m as gentle as can be....the fighter in me has died mhen...n i wished i didnt quench those flames..cause right now i jus want to seriously jamb some jaws mhen....( blog for another day..mayb tonite)

so guess who went shoppin...n jus my luck..nothin caught my eye to console me for even a second...

...Its goin to be along nite....cant wait to enter naija mhen..at least i can go let loose or so i think....mayb ill jus b worse of or mayb i realize i need to not let so much bother me...

Tag!

2007-12-22T10:56:00.001-04:00

Praising you
Okay, i got tagged by Screwed-truth betold, so here i am . I love this tag cause it lets me be of some kinda help to someone else as ppl have been of help n encouragement to me too in my journey thru this thing we call..Life.
Here Goes the RULES

...Post a note about a blogger you would like to see something wonderful happen for.maybe one whose posts have touched your heart in one way or another.Include details as to why you amire them and what you wish for them. Be as supporting and affirming as you can.post your favorite memory around selflessness, giving or doing for others. Something that has actually changed you.As a postscript, name one thing you will actually do for someone in your life before December 31 that is born out of joy.tag 3 other bloggers who will play the game and find the spirit.Dont forget to leave a comment on their blogs to share the good feelings.

Here are my choices:
Positive Girl and Bhookey...
Positive Girl... readin you blog...i found some of the same feelings...mayb not the same reasons but the same feelings...i found a new meanin to life n appreciatin life as well as embaracig all my flaws no matter wat the world has painted it to be. In you i see myself, questionin alot, confused and so damn eager to get the "he".. to get him to see how much i care outside the friendship. I am not at the road u r yet cause i havent even let my self farthom some of those thuts, but iknow in due time...wats meant to be will be esp with God on our sides. I admire you in a lot of ways because i feel despite the disease u havent let it build u..u havent let it hold u down...yes u may have ur doubts..but u r strong...n havent let the worlds definition of this diesease define u..you've accepted it n incorpoated it into ur life. i love that because most ppl wud try to rid it only makin them selves worse off but uhave embaraced it n nortured it to the point where i honestly dont feel its affectin u meanin...its not deadly to u...it jus wat a man wit three inscriptions behind his names says..but in God...its nufnn... I feel mayb some times when life throws some curve balls u may let it hit u harder than intended n i really dont want it to.i want u to b able to see the ball comin so u can catch it n return to sender! Amen. I pray for you a life partner that will compliment n add to ur strength and wonderful spirit, and 2008 will be nothin but endless possibilities for u, complete healin from the inside out.

Bhookey
Ever since i met you, i felt like u were an open person..
i am not a peoples person but you wer a different case, i jus loved ur personality
so open, bubbly, n lively
....I admire ur openness and the lovin personality...u kno like we all u may have ur own things but u dont let it weigh u down...theres always a smile runin across ur face... i admire that about u...cause i kno if im bothered its all over my face but wit u..nope...its a trait alot of ppl wish to have n to posssess it n use it so wisely n lovingly...i admire u for it.. I wish for you nothin but the best.....in everythin..i wish for u decisiveness....since u change ur mind a zillion times ..heheheh sike tho but yea decisiveness so when the right things come ur way u make the right decisions and get the best of the best.

My selfless deed
I desperately want to start my grad school plans as soon as possible but i kno i laready have one degree n my siblings are on their first degree..as much as i want to get it over with..gettin in to My TOP schools...i have decided to put it on hold til we all have one degree atleast and when God deems its the right time...I hope i made the right choice!

One thing i will do for someone before the 31st: i will share my wealth, am not rich but im confortable, sometimes i forget how much others may need somethings i take for granted

TAG! YOU"RE IT!!!:
1. Desperate Lady
2. Diary of a G
3. Ugo Daniels

MenDiN my HeaRt

2007-12-16T20:46:00.000-04:00

::Disclaimer..my heart is almost done healing::

this is an excerpt from my pages hidden in that secret location

Someone once said once you give him/her ur heart..u cant take it bac..unless its given back...

well..

Why did you give me urs and Snatch it back like i was a thief in the night
Why did u take my heart when u kno u cudnt handle it with care
Why did u get scared, shake n push my heart in front of that speeding SUV
Why didnt u stay at the scene to see jus how much damage ur push did
Why were u scared to see the damage u did
Why were u scared to see the pieces u reduced my heart to
Why cudnt u look at the stitches
Did u think u cud jus kill my pumpin heart like dat
Did u think itll make u feel better
Did u think my heart wont make it
Did u think runnin from the scene wud rid u of guilt or love
Did u think dats how u treat Love that never failed u
Did u think u were in a dream n the car really wont hit me as badly
Did u think the scar wud never catch ur eye..

U see those where the questions that my mind tried to answer as my heart laid on the cold pavement bleeding and clinging to life...
Those long hours under the operatin table witout u by myside made those stitches hurt the more but made my heart stronger
Each piercin stictch reflected each second u left my heart to die...each second u didnt know my hearts status...each second my heart was almost clingin to life support
The recovery room was even colder than the pavement...now the pain was numb..the pain killers were workin but my heart wasnt respondin..it was jus dere as if it shud never had made it thru that crash
it never shud have met u in that alley..it never shud have trusted u or shud it
After the hospital, the therapy began...My heart was a long way from complete healin...it jus never regain the same consciousness..it never wanted to believe again ..
My heart hated therapy cause it meant it had to remember the crash, the past..the thut of not holdin back...but soon therapy became my hearts outlet too see ur insecurities
To see the truth of ur identity...
To seee it still had ur heart..but ur mind was long astray into the wilderness of this so called Life of a Party Addict!
To heal from the injuries sustained from ur wrecklessness n carelessness of u

My Heart is healin greatly even tho when u attempted to give it bac u left it in a mess but my heart was way too strong to jus wither away..it persevered...unlike u...u didnt ask for it bac but u got it..Here is ur heart bac....BUT why wont u take it bac...r u scared to face the reality of where ur heart lies....r u scared to acknowledge u still want me to hold onto ur heart...i thut u wanted it bac...my heart is healed witout u now..no bad feelings...no revenge...jus plain bliss...cause my heart is stronger than that day u threw it in front of that speeding SUV.

When my heart selected you...it wasnt an option...it didnt discriminate you..it didnt judge u..it didnt mislead u...it didnt doubt u..it took u in flaws n all....it enjoyed u n urs...it accepted ur world..it gave u its all...why did u push it in front of that SUV to die....

Thankfully...my heart with the stitches n fading scars still loves u dearly n wishes u nothin but the best in everythin life brings ur way....

AND

is Still and Almost done Healin! My heart...stronger than last time

all dat i am

2007-12-15T23:25:00.000-04:00

I am Fiesty, and strong
My ex-boyfriend is cool but annoying
.Maybe I should get drunk n go to the strip club.hahah.reallly..
I love me some Yogurt Tubes, frosted flakes, donuts, and cookies n cream donuts....yea i better start gyming so when i turn 50 i can be a MILF
I don't understand Life and alot of people's actions
I lost my heart some where in the world..but im almost done searchin for it..
My current boyfriend is my God!
People say I'm stubborn n difficult..but im jus scared of disappointments..thats all
Love is ...i dont even kno! it is wat u make it i guess
Somewhere, someone is eating Pizza and watchin desperate housewives
I will always prove you wrong
Forever is everly eternal
I don't want to be mean but some ppl jus bring out the meanness in me
I think the current President is a douche bag!
When I wake up in the morning I stare at the ceiling and turn on my computer
Facebook is full of DRAMA!!!
My past is my past n the reason i am the Me today
I get annoyed when I cant get things the way i want ...i hate feelin unaccomplished
Parties are for watever u want
Girls are EVIL and LOVING...best of both worlds..innit
Sex is overrated...Kissing is much more intimate
I wish I could eternally read minds
Tomorrow I'm going to pray harder
I really want some toasted bagel with butter n a Hot chocolate from Tim Horton's
I have low tolerance for lint..it makes me itch realy bad
If I had a million dollars ....there wudnt b enuf room to say it all
My job makes me strong....

Re-nTrodUctioN

2007-12-15T17:16:00.000-04:00

Allow me to re-introduce myself..

I am normal.. I am human...I love harder than i hurt...i love my family....I am God-fearing..I am a christian.....I am addicted to shopping... I am in love wit my family...I am in love with my freedom...I am in love with myself...I am not vain... I am a sinner... I am a forgiver and a forgetter... I am Me...., the me of today and tomorrow and not of yesterday's worries..

I am the Me...everyone doubted...but proved them incredibly wrong....yea bishessss!!!!
I am the Me..that Loved n hurted...but guess wat I always do it again cause i am jus ME
I am the Me...that many love..many like, many hate..many dislike...but I am still ME
I am the Me that has peace of mind despite the rainy days
I am the Me that says wats on my mind not givin a shit nor time to edit my words..I am ME
I am the Me that once was taken a fool cause i seemed to meek to speak, but I am jus ME
I am the Me that let u walk over me til i was ready to push u off n not shrug...I am ME
I am the Me that has grown to see life than the fake reality u choose to see..I am ME
I am the Me that has broken free from setbacks and inhibitions, I am ME
I am the Me that has let words of the dumb cut like a knife, but I am ME
I am the Me that has learnt to keep my head up because I am ME
I am the Me who God has BLESSED and no man can curse...I am ME
I am the Me that realize I will b wrong n right but i got my head tight, and I am ME

I am Me...Jus black n white..no color..no hidden suscriptions..no editing...no touch ups...I am jus ME.... take me or leave me As i am...dont change me or try to mold me to what u want... I am me..my own Prototype..My own model..My own person....take me as i am...or walk away ...Embrace ME...I am growing!

Blast 4m d PasT

2007-12-15T16:57:00.001-04:00

so yeaaaa this is goin to b along one...yeaa so

erm... we were never an "it"..we were jus "ifs" and "couda's" ...
we were chillin...(why i hate the term chillin now)
we did everythin "it's" did but never claimed "it's" title...
time passed...i begged n longed for u to show u cared...for you to treat me like
u treated everyone else...
But,
No, i was jus the one you came to wit all ur problems
i was the one that took the bullshit wit hope of one day being more
i talked to all ur friends....they told me to move on
they questioned wat i was smokin on if u didnt value me...
I bet they never said those things to u noww when i decided to turn my bac on u
AND take me bac...

i kno i was wrong the way i left u hangin
but lets face reality....when i told u i was tired i meant it
but u didnt think so cause u were used to me always eatin my words
i liked/loved u too much to walk away.....
on some levels i did...i was scared but i had to cross that bridge with or without u
with the insult, ridicule, eyes, hurt, pain, love, happiness, sadness...u get it
I had to move on n not look bac or question me..

Movin on was not easy...i fell in Love..that i loved n hated...
A Love alot questioned, waited n wanted to see fail
A Love you saidyou cud give better after two yrs of waitin
A Love i will always remember...
A Love that may have failed or is goin thru life's million tests..only God knows..

U see every now n then, I still wondered wat wud hav been f i had given u the chance...
but i guess thats the greed in my flesh that prevails...
I always wanted to call u n see how u were doin
but i knew deep within it wasnt goin to help u move on, or hate me less
but i kept the wonders in my mind...but The Love i had noticed it...i guess put the doubtss if i evn actually moved on

see i moved on but i jus dint move on wit ur love because i never really had it...and when u were ready to give it...I WAS GONE...and am still Gone...

dats y now when u send me emails to ask how i am. my new no, and i manuever my way ard ur questions, i jus question why bother....
U kno even tho i wronged u when u felt u loved me...
U did worse...u shelled out things we shared to others
U felt the need to discuss my relationships wit others to others completely outa context...
and U said u Loved me....is this Love or pure hatred...
I remember you sayin at one pt...u jus wanted sex...nothin more...i cried my eyes out wishin i walkeed away..u found ur way to lure me bac...but thank fully i finally walked away without turnin....even tho it was hard as ever...i made some rash decisions n some well needed oness...

So why now do u seem surprised i blocked u from seeing my Life...Why r u tryn to come back? I thut i was the one that broke ur heart, the one that was a bad person...Why are u talkin to me like u didnt bad-talk me to the ones that cared....really...why werent u there when i wanted u more than life itself...Why...

those where the Why's i wanted the answers too ..but Now...THOSE R the Why's that give me strength, strength that may jus be my imagination...who knows wat tomorrow holds

.........GoodBye Mr........... or is it welcome bac? lol...God HELP me?

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 14

2007-12-14T15:25:00.000-04:00

Tagged by OSA , http://shacrown.blogspot.com/, Join me in the Thankfulness Chain....if you've been tagged, please complete the tag on the assigned day example... if you're tagged for November 21... that is day 21 and you should title your post 30 Days of Thankfulness - Day 21 provide a link to the person that tagged you previously Also provide a link to the two people that you're tagging for the next day so we can all follow the chain... Do let them know they're being tagged.. why they're being tagged, and how to grow the chain if you're unable to do the tag on your assigned day... still choose the day to reflect the date you do it (if you're choosing not to back date it) ...example... if you're tagged for November 25 but dont get to do it till November 27... and you're not back dating.. it's okay to do it as Day 27 you can post these rules or something to this effect to help it along...................................................................................

I am thankful for Life and its lessons, i have been thru alot in 2007...reached my highs n lows all in one year....but i thank God i walked away with my head up high and lessons on my heart that will forever be experience to cherish.....

I am thankful im soo much closer to my baba God...he's a never failin man! always got my bac n sets me straight when i get bent outta shape

I am thankful for my family, my gosh i swear everyon says they have the best fam, but i think i can honestly take that crown wit all confidence...we're not always peachy but Gosh we got our backs...we our own sorority, fraternity, world, and continent

I am thankful for LOVING friends...the ones that r der in ALL timess..... my heart is wit yall...

i could go on n on..m jus so happy at where my life is n headin after soo many trials from the devil...lai lai...me b Gods pikin....

Thanks Osa for taggin me....Desparate lady u have been tagged!

MisunDersTooD

2007-12-14T11:30:00.000-04:00

yah! soooooo this is goin to be a touchin emotional one! grab ur KLEENEX...i kid i kid

I woke up a month and 2 weeks ago n deleted alot of things..some harder than others..some i never thut i wud have to..some i never thut i cud but alas....My back bone is bac in FULL force...so i went thru some serious depression state..i phink i had it comin sha.....Love is blind o! abi or was i jus too excited to take a deep breathe for common sense! ill b the judge ( abeggie ooo jus read)

i almost kolo finish ova man o! but sha the good ppl in my life helped knoc some real sense into me before they fit send me go pysh ward...

so yea...one day i deleted some ppl that i kno to God if i saw them today i wud piss in my pants jus cause i cant face them or i jus dont really want too or cause they'll never understand...but sha i feel hella relieved...they were takin up space they didnt work for..they were leadin me astray from my values..... i love those ppl from a distance tho..... but in all i regained my SELF....i was sooo caught up tryn to please others i forgot to Please me! but u kno there r some ppl no matter how much u try to push them away they never leave...n those were the ones that carried my depressen self up, help me stand on my two feet, regain confidennce n pushed me to live to my best!!! i love u for U....U kno urself! if u ever see this! i thut i cud write it all but kina not in d mood....mayb later...

lets update on Mr. Trouble
See me si wahala o Mr T...
nowadays he's feelin like big bhoi ..

::u see i initially entertained the thut of him as revenge....spiteful! i kno but shit mhen omo...feelns were hurt...then it turned into somethin else, the art of lust::

so sha Mr. T is always cheesin sayn the right things....shit cant fool me or can it...
BUT..dis pikin has serious phone problems! as in unreachable!

Sha alot of unannuounced n unplanned dates lata....omo gets comfortable to go for a kiss...lai lai...no way! we're not quite der mister! he even inserts his humble new purchase of private space...idiotic reference ( cause me only noted....NEVER BE IN CLOSED SPACE WITH THOU)...sha i wonder wat space i wud gree him if he wasnt sooo Trouble....serious trouble....plus serious Playa...Run for dear life!

Ironically...i once felt..after this past relationship..i was jus goin to do watever wit who ever...i dont care anymore...why try to be good....deprive myself of good love ;-) for some stupid bastard to unappreciate it..but my conscience no gree (actively workin on it)...sooo hence no KISS n TELL....gawd !

So yeaaaa i hate to break the news...but Mr. T will be annoyed, infact he is extrememly annoyed, by my tease! when in fact i jus want tooooo.....

( wheres ur mind! haba)

Kiss him back n may b more! sike jus Kiss o for now!
dis days i seem to only lurk for trouble! i dont know..is this a revelation! i like goiz dat r complete opposites of my identity n it baffles me.....

ShOrty's a TEn!

2007-12-09T03:22:00.000-04:00

is it me but m i jus in lovve wiv da souldja bhoi "souldja girl" song....like i jus gotta step like dat to be a souldja girl!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOLD VS. SILVER

2007-12-09T03:14:00.000-04:00

MY TWO CENTS....

Women /Men are like gold n silver…u have Gold, but from an angle, silver always looks extra shimmering making u start to want to collect silver even tho uve always loved gold, even tho Gold never dulls, even if it does all u gotta do is wash it and its like new again, silver on the other hand once it tarnishes, its done, theres no washing for restoration, you jus simply discard and upgrade or look for a replacement…But, as selfish we people are these days, we jump our guns n collect silver, but the thing about silver is that, it always shine but it dulls real quickly n by the time u want to return to ur golden ways….u cant find the gold anymore cause someone else has bought it and you can never see the same sale again cause it was a once in a lifetime sale u gave up for an every often silver ..or rather sterlin silver sale. you kno silver is ALWAYS on sale, Gold on the other hand is hardly on sale, and if it is its so pricy u overlook it til that one day ur confident u can handle the payment plan and make that step...until then ull always be sterlin silvering every three months, and if your lucky every 9 months or so!...

so yea...if u like Gold...stick to Gold...if you like silver stick to silver....dont switch lanes like it dont matter cause it does n in the end ull end up more confused n most likely end up wit Bronze....lmao...Bronze!!!!! so think hard....

Dirty Gold that needs a little rebuffin every now n again OR
Sterling silver that needs replacement every now n again OR
Bronze thats jus there.....

Ur Choice!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quality i tell ya! i tell ya! u hav to have an eye for it to see the difference between them all

xing boundaries

2007-12-09T03:06:00.000-04:00

it was jus a date
we were jus spposed to chill
we were associates
i was quiet
u were not
i was shy
u def were not
u were upfront
i wasnt, i was lyn to myself
u wanted to "chill"
i did to

BUT
"chill" was dangerous grounds to not cross
we r sendin signals we cant control
we'r touchn like we jay n b
we xperimentin like crak dont kill
we r questionin like mystery isnt good
we r textn like tmobile n sprint dont cost a penny
we r callin like it's always after 9
we smiln like dos smiles rnt lethal

OOOOO WE R XING BOUNDARIES!!!!

cause u r nothin but TROUBLE wit an extra capital T, n i am jus as much TROUBLE
Trouble dat right now i seem to want some of but in a while ild wish i never met u
....y do we cross boundaries?

can we create our own continent wit no politics or election! jus us so whn things r sour theres no coup ..no threat we jus move on like we never xed those border lines!

MTV

2007-11-15T21:33:00.000-04:00

i jus my lil sugar hunnie ice tea on mtv...m psychedd