Blast 4m d PasT

so yeaaaa this is goin to b along one...yeaa so

erm... we were never an "it"..we were jus "ifs" and "couda's" ...
we were chillin...(why i hate the term chillin now)
we did everythin "it's" did but never claimed "it's" title...
time passed...i begged n longed for u to show u cared...for you to treat me like
u treated everyone else...
But,
No, i was jus the one you came to wit all ur problems
i was the one that took the bullshit wit hope of one day being more
i talked to all ur friends....they told me to move on
they questioned wat i was smokin on if u didnt value me...
I bet they never said those things to u noww when i decided to turn my bac on u
AND take me bac...

i kno i was wrong the way i left u hangin
but lets face reality....when i told u i was tired i meant it
but u didnt think so cause u were used to me always eatin my words
i liked/loved u too much to walk away.....
on some levels i did...i was scared but i had to cross that bridge with or without u
with the insult, ridicule, eyes, hurt, pain, love, happiness, sadness...u get it
I had to move on n not look bac or question me..

Movin on was not easy...i fell in Love..that i loved n hated...
A Love alot questioned, waited n wanted to see fail
A Love you saidyou cud give better after two yrs of waitin
A Love i will always remember...
A Love that may have failed or is goin thru life's million tests..only God knows..

U see every now n then, I still wondered wat wud hav been f i had given u the chance...
but i guess thats the greed in my flesh that prevails...
I always wanted to call u n see how u were doin
but i knew deep within it wasnt goin to help u move on, or hate me less
but i kept the wonders in my mind...but The Love i had noticed it...i guess put the doubtss if i evn actually moved on

see i moved on but i jus dint move on wit ur love because i never really had it...and when u were ready to give it...I WAS GONE...and am still Gone...

dats y now when u send me emails to ask how i am. my new no, and i manuever my way ard ur questions, i jus question why bother....
U kno even tho i wronged u when u felt u loved me...
U did worse...u shelled out things we shared to others
U felt the need to discuss my relationships wit others to others completely outa context...
and U said u Loved me....is this Love or pure hatred...
I remember you sayin at one pt...u jus wanted sex...nothin more...i cried my eyes out wishin i walkeed away..u found ur way to lure me bac...but thank fully i finally walked away without turnin....even tho it was hard as ever...i made some rash decisions n some well needed oness...


So why now do u seem surprised i blocked u from seeing my Life...Why r u tryn to come back? I thut i was the one that broke ur heart, the one that was a bad person...Why are u talkin to me like u didnt bad-talk me to the ones that cared....really...why werent u there when i wanted u more than life itself...Why...

those where the Why's i wanted the answers too ..but Now...THOSE R the Why's that give me strength, strength that may jus be my imagination...who knows wat tomorrow holds



.........GoodBye Mr........... or is it welcome bac? lol...God HELP me?