SigH

Jus one of dose dayz ...u kno...
woke up feelin like crap....had a ruff night...got ready for church...walked outside
and GUESS WAT..its pourin RAIN...i hate rainy days cause generally i get a yurky feelin
....imagin wakin up wit a feelin n goin outside n experiencin that feelin..
yikes..i feel God was cryin for me too this mornin

went to move the car n behold my bro had parked it wrongly sctachin the new car popsy jus bought....CRAP! Not today....(that totals two cars scratched very noticeably in One week....popsy goin to seriously ya wa for us o!...another days blog)

so yea once i decided today was one of those days i jus question it all...I got out Good ole Luther n Yolanda....but today Yolanda was all i wanted to hear...she had all the right words that made me cry like a baby but no that This too shall pass like every other night that has come before..

I got all dolled up for church...for some reason i love getin ready for church..i dont kno y ..it jus excites me....then i looked in the mirror n jus burst into tears....why is 2007 ending like this...i mean dont get me wrong..i have alot m thankful for...but its jus this one person that did so much good in my life all of a sudden is the cause of me wantin to hate myself...

i quickly eased that tear once i heard popsy's voice...the last person that needs to hear my cry...he will surely curse his life for makin his princess cry...but sha parents..hav this intuition...he kept tryn to make me laff as if he knew his baby was not havn a so good dat...its only 9.30! sooooo here goes she to church...

Blasted Yolanda like it was nothin...not realizin how fast i was drivin until the car started skiddin..WTF! so i slowed down n said 2 days to xmas..n im cryin like this...ki lo de... got to church...this old man refuse to let me park behind him cause ild block him...i said mhen ill b out before u say the grace..chill jo...but he was talkin.. i wasnt in the mood..i put the car on reverse n parked elsewhere way further...u kno rain now...no one wants to walk in the rain...i didnt even care..park went to church

while there..despite my hate for life at the moment...i found myself singing those praise n worship songs like my life depended on it...before i knew it i felt a wet tingle on my chin...ye pa! no o not church....i quickly ran to the bathroom..i jus wanted to scream..someone to hold me n not let me go..n assure me this too shall pass....

funny enuf i kept askin God for peace...surely or mayb i jus was listenin extra closely today..the pastor ended sayin may we all find peace as we enter 2008...My Amen was louder than those speakers i swear...I felt finally someone hears my inner... sha o i was bout to run out n this chic was like u not stayin for youth meetin..as in mhen i wasnt in the moood..but sha i waited...n long behold it was cancelled.. i was soo excited but sha i didnt have to go show my moody sef to ppl...cause i kno it showed on my face..the pain i felt in my chest...

then i went to try to leave church..na so dem don block me o! WTF..see ehn i have a short fuse wit stuff like dat cause ppl never want to leave church sometimes..but today i jus didnt have the energy to ask anyone to move their car cause i was jus tired..i sat in my car for nearly one hour til they moved their cars o! can u imagine....then i finally get to leave n i jus drove ..the lady said sorry like ten times before i heard her...my mind had completely drifted..constantly replayin 2007 like it was a movie..

when did my life become this...when did i become this person so scared of ppl...i swear i dey fear ppl o! my gosh.....im not a saint but damn i have a conscience...i wud never hurt a fly..i get mouth o small..but when it comes down to it...m as gentle as can be....the fighter in me has died mhen...n i wished i didnt quench those flames..cause right now i jus want to seriously jamb some jaws mhen....( blog for another day..mayb tonite)

so guess who went shoppin...n jus my luck..nothin caught my eye to console me for even a second...

...Its goin to be along nite....cant wait to enter naija mhen..at least i can go let loose or so i think....mayb ill jus b worse of or mayb i realize i need to not let so much bother me...